Delusional Moms

Friday, as you know, I felt like death, and barely got myself dressed by 3pm to get ready for our visitors. Poor Harrison had to stay up later than he is used to, because his grandma and aunt couldn't come til later in the evening. I let them play with him and bathe him until way past his bedtime, which of course left him crying hysterically for half an hour in his crib because he was overtired and overstimulated. It was breaking my heart, mostly because I just felt so bad for him. I knew he was sooo tired and he just couldn't calm himself down enough to go to sleep. The life of a baby is truly rough.

Rough? Please. I get my ass wiped on a daily basis

Saturday was my lady day, and it lived up to all of my wedding planning/discussing expectations. I snatched that wedding magazine as soon as I had a chance and went to town. I know it's not my wedding, but my best friend's wedding is pretty close, and just as fun to [help] plan for.

It just so happens that whenever I'm left alone in the apartment after dark, I start to hallucinate that an axe murderer is going to break in and kill me and Harrison, so my best friend stayed the night to protect us from the intruders. We had pretty much the stereotypical sleepover- we ate cheese puffs, painted our nails, and watched Bride Wars.

Call us crazy. Seriously, I don't know how I would have survived the weekend without the protectors aka girlfriends.

Sunday, I was left alone all day, made my sister FaceTime with me just to pretend I had some companionship, had a pity party, watched football (Go Ravens!), and started drinking at 4pm. That last part is true, but it's not as bad as it sounds. I had a hard cider during one of the games because I was dying of loneliness and boredom.

Now, I'll switch into venting about pet peeves after that riveting account of my weekend.

When I was pregnant, I signed up to get weekly updates emailed to me about the status of the unborn. Now that Harrison is no longer unborn, I still get the updates about weekly development. These are also accompanied by forums where other moms can post about how their babies are doing. Most of the time I opt out of reading that crap, because quite frankly, it is crap. Here is an example: We've made it to the 6 month forum, so I took a peek out of curiosity at what other babies are doing in comparison to Harrison. One mom wrote that her child has said "mama", they are working on "dada", is crawling, and has taken a few steps.

If you want me to believe that your 6month old is crawling a month earlier than expected, ok, I'll humor you there. However, bragging about not one, but two feats that your child could never have accomplished yet, only makes me believe that you are a sociopath. Sure, Harrison has jumbled together a mix of consonants and vowels that resemble the word "mama", but he is in no way consciously speaking. Also, holding your child up in a standing position, and said child spastically moving its legs in a stepping motion, is not the same as your child taking steps on its own without support.

I know I've complained about this annoyance before, not mentioning any names of the culprit, but I just don't get why moms do this. No one believes your claims, so while you think you are making your baby look like the smartest baby ever born to this earth, you are really only making yourself look deranged. Having this explanation in mind makes me feel less infuriated by this phenomenon.

Last night, we started roughing Harrison up by throwing toy basketballs at his head. He thought it was hilarious.

No babies were hurt in the making of this video.