Rav4 Genie Included

You know how I've mentioned before what a POS my car is? To be fair, it has made it to 199,000 miles and change, is 13 years old, and has had a good run. However, it currently has a gas leak, decides to start only half of the time, and drives like a tractor. What I'm saying is that it has reached the end of it's time on this earth.

We have been casually looking for cars for the past 6 months or so, in the event that the car exploded mid-operation. Now that it is acting up worse than a menstruating lady, we got a lot more serious about the search.

Last night we found the winner!

We got a 2010 Toyota Rav4, complete with the Rav4 Genie. It even has the spare tire on the back so in the event of the Rav4 Genie coming to grant us a wish... I'd obviously wish for the old spare tire to go, and won't care if the squirrels laugh at me. (For those of you that know the commercial I am referring to).

We get to pick it up tonight, so I'm sure I'll take about 238 pictures of Harrison's maiden voyage. I'm pretty much in love.

This weekend is supposed to be gorgeous weather, so my plan is to take Harrison to the zoo. He has been once before, but slept almost the entire time, and managed only to wake up in time to witness the tortoise sex. One day, we will remind him of his first trip to the zoo, complete with tortoises getting their freak on.

I'm hoping this trip will be slightly more exciting than pushing a conked out baby around in a stroller. Although, Harrison is known to never show any emotions in events such as these, so I'm guessing we will just pushing a stoic baby in a stroller. I'll call it an improvement.

This post is severely lacking content, but I was just so excited about the new car that I felt compelled to share, and make you all jealous.

What are your plans for the gorgeous weather?

Why Harrison is SOL

Harrison has woken up at 5:30am the past two mornings and it's really killing me. Yesterday morning, I might have dozed off while "watching" him play, and he fell and bumped his head because I was being totally irresponsible (or a victim of the lack of sleep... whichever you'd like to believe). I felt really horrible and told him I was sorry about 100 times.

However this is how he dozed off in the car, so who really was the tired one? That cannot be comfortable...

This morning when I got the 5:30am wake up call once again, I stormed into his room all furious. However, a little voice popped into my head and told me not to be mad at him. It isn't really his fault. He doesn't want to wake up that early any more than I don't want him to. My little voice just told me that we will work on it and being mad at him is a lost cause. People, my patience with him is improving. Especially at 5:30am when no human should have patience.

So, I can have patience with him at 5:30am, but in the grand scheme of things, I have lost it. The kid's damn routine. Lack of routine, actually. Why Harrison, why? You are almost 9 months old, wake up at a different time every single morning, take naps at different times (that is, if I can even force you to take one), don't ever take the same number of naps, eat at different times, etc etc... You realize this means I cannot have a life, which is probably fine with you.

However, Harrison is SOL soon because Alumni Weekend is around the corner, and he'll be spending an entire day with my parents. He has gotten a lot better with them, which I hope means that the separation anxiety phase is ending (but probably not).

Why do you insist on leaving me with strange people?

I also managed to get him to drink 3oz. of milk from a regular human cup, which is a huge victory. I envisioned him waking up the morning of his stay at the grandparents', and screaming for milk, which he would not drink from a sippy, and them calling me, at which point I may or may not still be drunk, and having to find a way to make it back the 45 min to their house. Also, you all realize this means I may or may not be feeding him breastmilk laced with alcohol.

Jokes, everyone. He has three options: drink his milk from a cup, stuff his face with solid food, or go hungry until I get my ass over there. Either way, he will be fine. I am telling myself this now so that I actually believe it in 10 days when the time comes.

I will not be fine

I feel like my sister who obsessively waits for the 10 day forecast to come out for her races, because I have been counting down the days until the 10 day forecast is released for next Saturday. Today is that day. Not that I ever believe the weather 10 days out, but they are calling for a high of 63 degrees. Not great, but not bad either.

I hope you are all prepared for me to discuss nothing but Alumni Weekend for the next week and a half.

May is around the corner, what are you excited for?

Mo Pacifier, Mo Problems

We accomplished an amazing feat. We weaned Harrison off the pacifier.

Ok, so this wasn't as incredibile as I'm making it out to be. Harrison always slept with his pacifier, but he has never really seemed that attached to it. Sometimes when he's fussing and whining during the day, and I can't stand another second of hearing that dreadful, disgusting noise, I'll stick the thing in his mouth to shut him up. However, he has never been one of those babies that uses a pacifier every single second of the day.

Our pediatrician recommended we wean him early from the pacifier at his 6 month checkup, to see if that will help with his millions of night wakings. We wanted to wait until after tax season to implement this though, for the sake of Dave's sleeping.

We will get all the sleep we want while mommy suffers!

My sleeping is never a consideration. That right there is the life of a mommy, everyone.

This weekend was the first one since the end of tax season, so I was determined that this would be it. Sorry you are only 8 and a half months old kid, hardship starts now. Leading up to Friday, the night of consequence, I was extremely nervous. From what I've heard about pacifier-weaning, it sounds like a horrible, exhausting process. Everyone had told me that it is rough beyond belief for a few days, and then magically after no more than 3 days, the kid simply forgets what a pacifier even is, and sleeps through the night like a pro. As you know, Harrison never follows baby trends, so I had no idea what to expect, but obviously, because it's my kid, was expecting the worst.

This, pretty much.

The first night had mixed results. The success was that he hardly fussed when we put him down, and within 15 minutes, was asleep like nothing was different. The calm before the storm. Then 9 o'clock rolled around, and the series of wakings begun. I am used to it by this point, at least... right?

Saturday night progressed, and he only woke up three times (I think). Yes, three wakings a night is a good night. Last night, he slept from 7-3 without waking once, and since by this point, theres usually an average of four wakings already, I was overjoyed.

If there's anything I've learned from babies, it's that their behaviors are not to be counted on until they have been doing them for at least a month. So, although it's only been three days since we took the pacifier away, and he seems to be improving, I know I cannot count on anything. Nor do I want to jinx it, so that is all I will say. We are winning the battle- but the war I'm not so sure about.

You just wait...

I realize I just spent about 11 paragraphs discussing the topic of pacifier-weaning, and that is in no way interesting for anyone, even mommies. I apologize.

A funny update about my pain-in-the-ass neighbor: Lately, he has taken to pounding on his ceiling in the mornings when Dave is getting ready for work. I can't imagine what is so loud about brushing your teeth and maybe a baby bum crash or two. We are such inconsiderate people.

This morning was hilarious to me, because he got into a feud with an 8-month old. Harrison now loves to pound on any surface as hard as he can, so right as he started slapping the table like it had crossed him, we heard the thumping coming from down below. I realize how dirty that sounded- but quite literally, he was thumping on his ceiling to tell Harrison to stfu. Wrong move, Gare-bear.

You are going down, bitch

Harrison then took that to be a game, so he keeps pounding on the table, and Gary keeps pounding his ceiling. What I gathered from this is that my neighbor has the maturity of an 8-month old himself, and I'm ok with that.

Suggestions

Because I'm the first and only mommy of my friends, I get really excited for the preggos who will soon join me in mommyhood. I won't mention any names, but there are so many preggos coming into the world and some of them are even friends of mine! Pretty soon, I won't be an outcast of life- I'll have companions!! I even creep on preggos that 1. I've never met, 2. I've met once, 3. are friends of a friend, and pretend that we will be mommy besties fo life.

I'm clearly SUCH an expert on the topic of pregnancy and caring for a young human, so I thought I would put together an informative post for all of the preggos who read this (all 3 of you).

And by informative, I mean whiny. I am basically going to list all of the baby products that society convinces you that you need, like as in, the baby won't make it and/or die from SIDS if you don't get, that end up either never getting used, or getting used a total of 3 times. As a sidenote here to this rant- it really pisses me off that EVERYTHING baby is so marked up and manufacturers are robbing new moms who really don't need the extra stress of spending a million dollars on a unborn child. So when you spend $25 for a stupid half-moon shaped pillow, and an additional $25 on a cover for it, and you use it maybe 10 times, you can thank me in advance for the warning that this would happen.

Almost as unimpressed with all my crap as I am with this hat

Obviously, register for these items, and if someone else buys them for you, it won't be as depressing when you hardly use them:

1. Boppy Pillow & Cover

This thing is a load of crap. You are essentially buying an extremely overpriced pillow and pillowcase, when you could just as easily use a pillow you already own. I used this thing for maybe the two initial weeks of breastfeeding, and maybe 10 times while Harrison was learning to sit up.

But I need the pillow to support me while I look at boobies

I'm sure other mothers get way more use out of it, but I was subjected to the first world pain of using regular pillows in the hospital while Harrison was learning to nurse, so when I got home, that was already what I was used to. Here we are today, so I guess we survived.

2. The Swing of all Swings

This might just be because Harrison is the fussiest of all the babies, and didn't like his super intense, thousand dollar swing, so I have a little bit of a bias. We were told we ABSOLUTELY NEED TO GET THAT SWING and it was hardly used.

I HATE THIS

Here is what I gather about the topic of swings: some babies like them, some don't, but just because you get the top-of-the-line baby swing, doesn't mean the baby will love it. Get a swing, but don't worry if you don't get the Mercedes Benz of swings. I've just said swing so many times it is starting to sound like a different language... swing.

3. A Million bajillion toys

What my experience tells me is that my child prefers non-toys over toys. For example, baby food jars, tissue boxes, any and all electronics. At one point, I was actually getting concerned that we didn't have enough toys. HA! Joke's on me.

See what's in his hand? That's a cabinet latch for baby proofing... and yes, he's chillin in the laundry basket. Normal.

Now I feel like we have so many, and he plays with them about 10% of the time. Obviously, get the kid some toys, but you definitely do not need 100 versions of a squeaking, colorful, crinkly thingy.

4. Baby Nail Clippers.

Baby nail clippers are EXACTLY the same as adult nail clippers, except blue. Or pink, I presume. Mine are blue. All I know is that they are still very capable of clipping skin and causing gushing blood for hours.

And while I am at it, I will briefly profess my love for a few other baby items:

1. Hooter Hider.

Yes, there is a product with that name. Pretty self explanatory as to what that is.

hehe Hooter Hider. I get it. 

2. Bumbo Seat.

Screw the recall, these things are amazing. It's basically like baby shackles! haha ok not really, I just watched Game of Thrones last night, but you can plop the baby in the seat, stick it pretty much anywhere, and the baby just stays there! Revolutionary.

However not so great when I no longer have an excuse not to cook dinner

3. Diaper Genie.

I forget who, but one mommy told me not to get one of these- that they are useless, and I am so glad I didn't listen. Seriously, I do not know how else you dispose of diapers. In regular trash bags? I can't.


4. Ducky Tub

Just for the cuteness factor alone. Thanks to Kara for the suggestion on that one.

I will eat you ducky!

I love to pretend like I have all this wisdom when it comes to being a parent, when actually I really don't, but just humor me here.


Mommies, what is your favorite or least favorite baby item?

Scary Living

Some scary and not-so-scary events are happening over here at Harrison Mansion.


Scary: Destruction

I swear I didn't do it

If you cannot tell what is happening here, Harrison ripped a flip-photo off of his favorite book. This is especially funny to me, because my mom and I just had the conversation that when my sister, brother, and I were babies, she had to purchase a new book for each baby because of the destruction of the one before. On this issue, I'm just gonna keep telling myself that at least he likes books.

Scarier: Breaking into things

The other morning, I looked away for maybe 10 seconds, and found this lovely scene:

Now how do I get this into my mouth?

He found his canister of snacks, somehow managed to get it open, spilled them everywhere, and went to town. I guess I wasn't too mad, since this kept him occupied longer than any of his toys will, and I was able to drink my coffee for a magical 15 uninterrupted minutes. I also was not concerned about him eating off of the carpet. Why? Because I'm that great of a mother, that's why.

Scariest: Pulling up.

Hot damn. I thought I would be excited for Harrison to reach this stage of development, and I kind of am, I guess... but it is terrifying! I run into the kitchen for a snack, and come back to find the baby that I left in the middle of the living room floor, staring at me from a standing position next to the couch. WHAT?? Remember when you couldn't even lift your own head up, Harrison?

It also resulted in about 5 falls and bumped heads yesterday, and one already today, so this stage is proving to be really fun.

Not Scary: Expression of emotions

As seen in the swimming ordeal, Harrison maintained a strict poker face throughout all of the activities that other babies thoroughly enjoyed. That's just like him to be the most uncooperative baby of all the babies. However, after three days of forcing him to go swinging and determination that I would get a smile out of him, it has happened.

THE CUTEST

My takeaway from this post is that most of the occurrences in my life are scary. Like the past three days of thunderstorms. I am so freaking terrified of lightning. Never knowing where or when it will strike. How is one supposed to live with that?

In the most random ending to a post, do you enjoy thunderstorms?

The Wizard and I

I have a lot of obsessions in my life, like the videos for ExpoTV I had previously mentioned, the time 4 of my years were 100% devoted to Clay Aiken, and coffee. My latest obsession I blame my mom for: Wicked.

Ok, let me clarify. If you have ever seen Wicked, you will agree with me on the obsession, and if you haven't and you are judging me for liking musicals, then I just feel bad for you because you've never seen it. Life changing. I first saw Wicked when I was a freshman at Fordham- my mom got me a gift certificate to use for any Broadway show, and since Wicked tickets cost a small fortune, I went for it. I went by myself because I am that cool. So, in a roundabout way, my love for Wicked is my mom's doing.

Wicked has come to Rochester for 3 weeks, and it basically became my life goal to go. However, once I found out that like the worst seats in the house were $100, I became thoroughly depressed. My mom came through once again. She figured out that every performance offered a lottery to win discounted tickets.

My mom and stepdad devotedly went to try to win the lottery tickets for every performance. I didn't feel good about our chances. For one, I never win things like this. I have the worst luck. Two, I wanted the tickets SO BAD that I felt I was jinxing my chances. It's always the people that don't really want to win that get chosen, those assholes. Three, the first night of the lottery, the same family got picked 5 times. Out of ten. At that point I knew it was rigged and the only names that get selected were somehow connected to cast/crew members. I love to think up conspiracy theories in my head to make myself feel better.

Friday night rolled around, and for whatever reason, I felt good about our chances. It was the third night my parents were trying to win, so I immediately started channeling the phrase, "Third time is the charm". My mom also saw this:

This, I knew, was my Gram sending us her positive spirit to help us win! Plus, Dave had come down with  Tax-Season-itis and I really did not want to spend Friday night sitting around trying to quarantine myself from the germs.

As you can clearly tell where this is going, my parents won the lottery tickets! I knew my positive energy would do the trick.

That's right, bitches.

Once my mom and I got to the theater, I thought nothing could get any better. I was wrong. There was a bar, that allowed you to take the drinks to your seat with you. WHAT? I have never encountered anything like this before. Obviously, I got myself a glass of wine, and let me tell you, Wicked and wine is one hell of a combination.

I apologize if the ghost pictured above just blinded you

The show was amazing. Better than Broadway.

We even met the lead male actor after the show because my mom and I agreed that he looked like a family member, and she insisted we stalk him to get a picture. #winning.

The rest of the weekend paled in comparison. I went to the Rochester Public Market with my friend Anna on Saturday afternoon, did much of nothing else the rest of Saturday, and took Harrison to the park on Sunday.

I AM NOT HAVING FUN

Have you ever seen Wicked? Are you obsessed with it like I am?

My Interview

Today is Monday, so I am allowed to be really lazy, right?

In that case, I will point you in the direction of my friend's blog, who just posted her interview with me!   I am working on a blog post of my own, but since it's laundry day, and I physically cannot accomplish anything other than laundry on these days, the post might have to wait until tomorrow. Plus, it's always better to cash in on the work of others.

I will provide you with pictures of Harrsion, just so that I don't get harassed for not doing so.

In the words of my mom, "He is so adorably serious"

Is this what flying feels like? 

Pooping in Bathwater

Wow, I suck.

Harrison and I have been taking swim classes this week, and while they are a lot of fun (for me, not so much for him), they have really been messing up my not-a-schedule schedule. Despite the fact that Harrison has started to show the slightest indication of a routine forming, and I didn't want to screw with it, the YMCA was offering free swimming classes, so the Jew that I am could not pass that up.

Free is always better

I was nervous about taking the class for a few reasons. First and foremost, Harrison's new favorite thing is to poop as soon as he gets in the tub. Out of the past week's worth of baths, I'd say he's pooped in 4 of them. Something about that warm water is relaxing to him I guess, and now that I think about it, I would probably poop in the bath if I had no inhibitions too. It kinda sounds wonderful, no?

Last night was one of the worst ordeals I've dealt with thus far into mommyhood. I won't get into specifics, so you should be thanking me for that. However, what you should be really thanking me for is not posting the photo. Yes, I took a photo. It was too outrageous not to. My deranged, loopy mental state at the time thought it was a good idea to have on hand, incase I ever want to really destroy someone's happiness.

Anyway, the water pooping was really frightening me going into taking a swim class. Since gym pools are usually the temperature of bathwater, I had a crippling fear that my child would be the one to poop in the pool, and force everyone to get out while shooting me dirty/pity looks. Stay tuned to hear how we fared...

My second apprehension about class was the timing. The class for wee ones was only offered from 9-930, right smack dab in-between Harrison's first nap. Not to mention it is 25 minutes away. This week has been really fun trying to rearrange Harrison's naps to fit the class in, and failing.

The class only had 4 other babies, all of which were girls, and older than Harrison. As the class went along, I was realizing that all the other babes were laughing, splashing, and appearing to have the time of their lives, while here I was with a child who looked paralyzed because he would float motionless in the water, without showing any sign of emotion.

I don't lie

I literally did not get a smile out of him til the third day. However, it was still cute seeing a bunch of babies sitting on a floating mat, and watching the rest of them have fun.

So many women, how will I choose?

The good news: We made it through the whole week without poop!! My boy is such a gem.

In even more exciting news, I got asked to do an interview for my friend's blog, so as soon as it's posted, I will share the link! This obviously just means I've become a famous blogger.