Suggestions

Because I'm the first and only mommy of my friends, I get really excited for the preggos who will soon join me in mommyhood. I won't mention any names, but there are so many preggos coming into the world and some of them are even friends of mine! Pretty soon, I won't be an outcast of life- I'll have companions!! I even creep on preggos that 1. I've never met, 2. I've met once, 3. are friends of a friend, and pretend that we will be mommy besties fo life.

I'm clearly SUCH an expert on the topic of pregnancy and caring for a young human, so I thought I would put together an informative post for all of the preggos who read this (all 3 of you).

And by informative, I mean whiny. I am basically going to list all of the baby products that society convinces you that you need, like as in, the baby won't make it and/or die from SIDS if you don't get, that end up either never getting used, or getting used a total of 3 times. As a sidenote here to this rant- it really pisses me off that EVERYTHING baby is so marked up and manufacturers are robbing new moms who really don't need the extra stress of spending a million dollars on a unborn child. So when you spend $25 for a stupid half-moon shaped pillow, and an additional $25 on a cover for it, and you use it maybe 10 times, you can thank me in advance for the warning that this would happen.

Almost as unimpressed with all my crap as I am with this hat

Obviously, register for these items, and if someone else buys them for you, it won't be as depressing when you hardly use them:

1. Boppy Pillow & Cover

This thing is a load of crap. You are essentially buying an extremely overpriced pillow and pillowcase, when you could just as easily use a pillow you already own. I used this thing for maybe the two initial weeks of breastfeeding, and maybe 10 times while Harrison was learning to sit up.

But I need the pillow to support me while I look at boobies

I'm sure other mothers get way more use out of it, but I was subjected to the first world pain of using regular pillows in the hospital while Harrison was learning to nurse, so when I got home, that was already what I was used to. Here we are today, so I guess we survived.

2. The Swing of all Swings

This might just be because Harrison is the fussiest of all the babies, and didn't like his super intense, thousand dollar swing, so I have a little bit of a bias. We were told we ABSOLUTELY NEED TO GET THAT SWING and it was hardly used.

I HATE THIS

Here is what I gather about the topic of swings: some babies like them, some don't, but just because you get the top-of-the-line baby swing, doesn't mean the baby will love it. Get a swing, but don't worry if you don't get the Mercedes Benz of swings. I've just said swing so many times it is starting to sound like a different language... swing.

3. A Million bajillion toys

What my experience tells me is that my child prefers non-toys over toys. For example, baby food jars, tissue boxes, any and all electronics. At one point, I was actually getting concerned that we didn't have enough toys. HA! Joke's on me.

See what's in his hand? That's a cabinet latch for baby proofing... and yes, he's chillin in the laundry basket. Normal.

Now I feel like we have so many, and he plays with them about 10% of the time. Obviously, get the kid some toys, but you definitely do not need 100 versions of a squeaking, colorful, crinkly thingy.

4. Baby Nail Clippers.

Baby nail clippers are EXACTLY the same as adult nail clippers, except blue. Or pink, I presume. Mine are blue. All I know is that they are still very capable of clipping skin and causing gushing blood for hours.

And while I am at it, I will briefly profess my love for a few other baby items:

1. Hooter Hider.

Yes, there is a product with that name. Pretty self explanatory as to what that is.

hehe Hooter Hider. I get it. 

2. Bumbo Seat.

Screw the recall, these things are amazing. It's basically like baby shackles! haha ok not really, I just watched Game of Thrones last night, but you can plop the baby in the seat, stick it pretty much anywhere, and the baby just stays there! Revolutionary.

However not so great when I no longer have an excuse not to cook dinner

3. Diaper Genie.

I forget who, but one mommy told me not to get one of these- that they are useless, and I am so glad I didn't listen. Seriously, I do not know how else you dispose of diapers. In regular trash bags? I can't.


4. Ducky Tub

Just for the cuteness factor alone. Thanks to Kara for the suggestion on that one.

I will eat you ducky!

I love to pretend like I have all this wisdom when it comes to being a parent, when actually I really don't, but just humor me here.


Mommies, what is your favorite or least favorite baby item?