Crime of Mommyhood

Thank you for all the support about the neighbor from hell. I especially appreciated the threats. I think we are stuck with him until May, so I'm sure to have more stories about his psychosis to entertain you with.

Meanwhile, I have another venting session planned for this post. Here goes...

Dave and I have a friend that will remain nameless, that also recently had a baby. Throughout her pregnancy, this girl would constantly post outrageous claims that in no way, could be true. For example, she would post that at 12 weeks pregnant, she felt the baby's first kick. For you non-baby people, that is physically impossible. The absolute earliest kicks occur around the 16 week mark, and even that's rare. Lady, those "kicks" you felt were a strong case of gas. Sorry I'm not sorry.

Now that the baby is born, she is pulling the same shit. When her kid was 2 weeks old, she posted a status that enraged me beyond belief. I wish I could quote it on here verbatim, but in the slight chance she might stumble upon this blog, I'll paraphrase. It was something like that her baby was sleeping through the night every single night and never cried, ever. For someone whose baby was waking her up every two hours and cried pretty consistently throughout the day, this news was not taken lightly. Not only do I not believe that her baby never cried, because all babies cry, the fact that she was claiming her newborn child was sleeping through the night at 2 weeks of life is simply neglect. Infants that young need to eat every 2-3 hours. To me, what that status was saying is that she was not being a very good mother, and that, I can live with. The lesson here is probably not to make outrageous claims to a sleep deprived, hormonal, new mom.

Last night, during a 3am feeding nonetheless, I see another one. She claims that her 6 week old had rolled over three times. I immediately dropped Facebook, and referenced a monthly milestone chart for newborns. The verdict is in- advanced babies may roll over as early as 3 months, but most do not until 5-6 months. Girl be cray cray.

Incase She Who Must Not Be Named does read this- you know who you are. No one believes that your baby is performing miracles. I'm all for bragging about how cute your own kid is, because let's face it, I do it all the time, but she is simply committing a crime of mommyhood.

See? Cutest kid ever. I don't lie. 

We do have exciting news though! Harrison has moved out of newborn size diapers and onto size 1! He has hit the 8lb mark, fatty. 8lbs is really a huge milestone for us- new diapers, 0-3 month clothing instead of newborn, and my favorite: he can now fit the baby carrier! Meaning, I MIGHT be able to put him in it and use BOTH of my hands!! Imagine that!

Trying to capture the pure HORROR on the kid's face