I'm no Makeup Expert

My sister's friend Kara, who is about 3 weeks away from her due date for baby #2, requested I do a makeup tutorial for new moms in one of my blog posts. I found this hysterical, since I know very little about doing my own makeup. In college, I would risk not going out if none of my girlfriends were around to do my makeup (ha! just kidding... I never not went out). To make matters even worse, my best friend, Melissa, is the makeup queen, so she makes my crutch even more pathetic. I do clothes, styling, nail polish, but not makeup.

I did have a brief stint as a Mary Kay consultant. Mary Kay is more about skincare products than anything, so I wasn't as involved in the makeup side of things. Then I became not involved in any of it when I realized my director was a psychopath, and had to email her accusing her of harassment to get her off my effing back. That shut her right up.

However, Kara's request did get me thinking about the few items that I would die without, so let me just profess my love for certain products (any male readers can stop reading now).

1. Mary Kay Concealer - this shit does work. The reason I listed this first is because it has become increasingly more essential to my life now that I get no sleep. It hides the dark circles under your eyes like no other, and let's face it, that is not only excellent for me when I look in the mirror, but also for those that have to look at me. It's never a pleasant sight to see a person with sunken, grayish blue circles under their eyes. It's also never fun to get told how tired you look on a consistent basis, so I just eliminated that opinion in its entirety.

sidenote: there was a b**** I used to work with that would tell me at least one a week how tired I looked and I wanted to slap her every single time. Is that not the most annoying thing anyone can say to you?

2. Bronzer (also from Mary Kay coincidentally, but any will do) - this might just be one of my crazy theories, but sometimes I feel that the less sleep I get, the more pale I look. I'm pretty pale to begin with, and have (recently) decided that the only tanning I will do in a tanning bed is of the spray variety. This is because my sister is a sunscreen freak, as in puts it on every single day, like even if its blizzarding out. My latest fear is that, as 6 years younger, I will one day have older looking, more wrinkly skin, and be forever mistaken for her elder. Verdict: tanning out, bronzer in.

I also can't stand next to, take pictures with, or be in the vicinity of my boyfriend, because something about his 1/16th Native American heritage makes him extremely tan, bordering on ethnic looking. The stark contrast between him and I is not my friend. That's why my bronzer is!

This is us, mid-summer... I thought I was partially tan until I saw this

3. Deodorant - I list this as if it wasn't essential to my life before motherhood. It was, don't worry. Except now... here comes the embarrassing confession segment of the post... I am more smelly than ever. It's not that my 30-second showers don't cleanse me enough, it's that breastfeeding makes some women more odorous. Yet another fact about childbearing that no one tells you. So if you don't know, now you know.. readers.
       (please stop reading now if you didn't pick up on that lyric from the genius that is Biggie. RIP)

I used to read Word Up magazine

So I guess that's only three items, one of which being deodorant. My life is sad. Sad, but not smelly.

The same day I took this photo, I saw a picture of Baby Lorenzo wearing the exact same shirt.  If you don't know who Baby Lorenzo is, you are seriously out of touch with the world of celebrity babies.

Confessions of a sleep-deprived mom

It's been a week since I last blogged. Oops. That's probably because my day-to-day is very uneventful and unchanging. Hanging out with the kid, maybe leave to go grocery shopping, and catching up on TV, pretty much all while holding him. I have all the time in the world, yet somehow no time to blog.

He recently had his two-month doctor visit though, and I'm happy to report that everything is looking good! Now at 10 and a half pounds, he jumped from the 3rd weight percentile to the 21st! Glad to see the two hour, on the hour, feedings have paid off. He also had to get two shots and I almost cried. Watching your own kid get shots and turn more red in the face than you thought humanly possible, while screaming at the top of his lungs... not fun. In slight fairness, I also got my flu shot, and probably whined more about my one sore spot than Harrison did about both of his. He's such a trooper.

 See how much he's grown! Courtesy of my stepdad's wonderful photography! 

I'll leave you with a few confessions...

1. I love rubbing diaper rash cream on Harrison's bum. Is that weird? So be it. I've always loved bums, but I don't get much interaction with his. Partly because I'm always scared that he will poop on me if I leave it exposed for too long, and partly because he simply has no bum. He was born with negative ass mass, and since has gained weight everywhere else except the bum. Therefore, I really enjoy what limited time I have to play with his bum, even if playing consists of wiping on a cream. I'm also just going to vouch for my sanity after writing that paragraph by saying that I am in the majority here. People who don't love little baby bums are clearly the minority, and probably heartless. Haven't you all heard the phrase, "Smooth as a baby's bottom"?

2. I hate, no- despise, the campaign trail. I don't really pay attention to politics normally, but when every other commercial is some political message denouncing this candidate and that candidate, its hard not to pay attention. I do not want to participate in something that has become more about hatred, pointing fingers, and negativity than it is about fixing our country. That being said, I'm all for appreciating that I do live in a country that allows us the right to vote, and I am not overlooking the fact that many people worldwide are not given that liberty, but I probably will not be voting in this presidential election. Neither candidate is really impressing me by blaming the other for his downfalls and personal shortcomings. Not to mention that I am not educated on the specifics of either's policy, so I am not going to simply just vote blindly and ignorantly because one has a (D) or an (R).. which I feel that a lot of voters probably do. Maybe its the flower child in me, but is world peace too much to ask for? Ok, yeah it is. How about just national peace then? Why is it that we look so poorly upon racism, but judging and stereotyping people based on their political affiliation is ok? That is the only thing I will ever say about politics, which is more than I ever thought I would ever comment in the first place. That might have just spurred a lot of opinions, but keep in mind that I'm a registered hippie, and peace is what I call for.

3. I used to cry when the Colts would lose a game. Back when their record would be 12-4, or 11-5. That's pretty embarrassing to admit, but when your team is going undefeated for the first 11 weeks of the season and you think theres a chance they go lose-less, those losses hurt. Now I am immune, after last season's pathetic record of 2-14. Hey, at least it toughened me up as a fan. And it's like, you appreciate things when you can't have them, so now I really, REALLY, love a win. Booyah Green Bay.

Mommy's little pumpkin

I'm really over these ridiculous outfits

Weekend Recap/Food Journal

It is 2pm and I am finally free!! After having me hold him since about 8am this morning, Harrison finally went down for a long nap, and mommy gets to be an actual human being! I've realized that the sound of his snoring is music to my ears.

Anyway, thought I would recap the weekend of family, eating, and wine, since I was making such a huge deal about it leading up to it. Alyssa will probably have a very similar post, but since she actually works and I don't, I'm going to beat her to it. Shocking, I know.

Friday night, my sister's flight got in so I met the fam at my parents' house. Dinner consisted of my mom's homemade Mac and Cheese (my favorite Mac and Cheese in existence), but as per usual, Harrison wanted to be held, so my meal mainly consisted of dinner bread. Not complaining though, because it was Wegmans' artisan garlic tuscan bread. Dee-lish. I probably consumed half the loaf. I was able to shove about 5 forkfuls of Mac and Cheese into my mouth, but I've learned that eating finger foods is just far more realistic when holding a baby. I've mastered the art of eating one handedly, and accepted that my meals are all going to have to be food I can pick up with one hand- sandwiches, toast, dinner bread, etc... aka carbs. Also not complaining.

Saturday was a glorious day as well. After finally meeting Kari, my sister, her and I went shopping. Incase you don't know, shopping and clothes are both passions of mine, so this was especially exciting for me! My first real shopping trip post-baby, buying clothes that actually fit me, and not having to spend any of my own money (giftcards) made the afternoon superb. Then, we came back to my parents' house for dinner. Again, the homemade meal was scrumptious, but I was forced into scarfing down bread for the majority of it.

That, to me, looks like one serious case of Baby Fever

haha Mom, jokes on you

These two days were great, but nothing compared to the highlight of the weekend- Sunday night aka wine night. After a year and a half, we got to finally pop bottles.... well, the bottle of Apricot wine anyway. It was just as good as I remembered it. I also had my first glass of Zinfandel. No, not White Zinfandel, that blush shit that I was drinking at 18 thinking it was the greatest wine ever, Zinfandel the red wine. It was so so so good, and probably my new favorite.

To make the night even better, Dave came over, so I was relieved of holding Harrison duty, and actually got to enjoy the meal!

I feel like this post turned into more of a food journal. Oops. I think I was just trying to convey the fact that I no longer have the luxury of sitting down to dinner and enjoying the meal in front of me. So all of you people that can do that, well- enjoy it, and think of me stuffing food into my mouth at the speed of light.

Life's simple pleasures

Staying home all day with an infant that cannot communicate with me leaves me a lot of time to reflect on life. Lately, I've been thinking about some of life's simple pleasures that I find myself appreciating more than ever. This post is supposed to make you really enjoy your quality of life in comparison to mine.

1. Showers lasting more than 30 seconds. Sadly, 30-second showers have become the norm for me. I jump in and out as fast as possible in the fear that as soon as I turn the water on and drown out all other noise, that Harrison will start crying hysterically and I will be neglecting him. Also I must point out that 30-second showers may seem like an impossible feat, but for someone who only washes her hair one time on average per week, it is doable. If you think that's gross, so be it. You are really just jealous that my hair holds up looking freshly washed for an entire week.

2. Weekends. I always knew I loved weekends, but I have never appreciated them as much as I do now. Weekends for me mean that I have Dave to help with Harrison and I can do things much more easily, like blog, take a shower longer than 30 seconds, and drink my coffee in peace.

3. Live with Kelly and Michael. Am I pathetic that the thing I look forward to most every morning is a talk show? I'll answer that one for you- yes, I am. I find that my mood for the day is dependent on whether or not I was able to watch Kelly and Michael. The other day, the network was having broadcasting glitches, and switched between airing three different episodes. After about 5 minutes of cutting in and out, they landed on an old episode that I had already seen, instead of the new one. I was infuriated.

a match made in heaven

4. Winning. I really took being a Colts fan for granted back in the day. How great does going like 11-0 to start the season for 3 seasons in a row feel? Awesome. Even more awesome is winning the Superbowl. Now, I live on the edge every week in fear of a loss. Our losing record (1-2) right now is no fun. Its times like these that I don't even mind our bye week.

5. Living with my best girl friends in the best place on earth (...I'm obviously referring to Geneseo). Not that I don't love my life with Harrison and Dave, but there are definitely things I miss. Mainly I miss wearing their clothes, drinking wine and vegging out on the couch at least 3 nights a week, getting my makeup done for me, and dancing on chairs in the kitchen. Basically, I think what I'm saying is that I miss college. Big surprise. Sorry if I'm beginning to sound like a repetitive drone on that note. I'll get over it eventually.... I hope.

This really happened

A blog post without a picture of Harrison?? Never.

pooping.. 

Exhaustion

I don't remember being this tired...ever. Harrison has been the world's worst sleeper lately. The last three nights, for example, I was up at midnight, 2, 4, and again at 6. Then, when you factor in the 30-45 minutes it takes to feed him and get him back to sleep, that leaves about an hour inbetween of actual sleep. Then, to my joy, he is overtired during the day, and extra fussy. By fussy, picture someone screaming loudly in your face and thrashing around uncontrollably. Its fun.

This morning I accomplished my first successful sleepwalk. I had been feeding Harrison out in the living room so that I could watch the Today show, kinda dozed off, then decided it was a good idea to plop him down on the couch and continue my sleep in our bed. Woke up when Dave turned the light on to get dressed for work, utterly confused. I scared the shit out of him, and proceeded to stagger down the hall, to find Harrison patiently waiting to continue his meal. You are probably horrified at my parenting (or lack thereof) so I must point out that this was at most, 10 minutes. The kid was unscathed by the incident, so all's well that ends well.

 **Update: that was all written two days ago. It takes me approximately 3 days to complete a blog post, as I have to squeeze in typing sessions between Harrison's demands. See how dedicated I am? He must have heard me complaining about his horrible sleeping habits, because today he has graced me with not one, but two extra long naps. What a guy.

To ease my recent insanity, Dave and I had a date night last night. We went to the exact same restaurant as our last date night, got the exact same drinks (margaritas!!), and ordered the exact same meal. We like to be adventurous. The only difference was that this time, Dave's mom treated us. The free meal made everything taste better.

Tonight my sister is flying in from Baltimore! Literally could not be more excited. Highlights of the weekend to come: drinking wine (as I have elaborated on previously), delicious food and desserts (my mom is going all out with the cooking and stayed up til 1am last night preparing), meeting Kari aka Running Ricig, shopping spree with Alyssa, and being able to pass Harrison off to my family to rest my aching arms!

I don't have any pictures, so once again I will just throw in some cute Harrison pictures as filler! Enjoy.

Please Mom, no more pictures

He's also very excited for his Aunt's visit!

Weekend Blues

It's been kind of a depressing weekend for me. It was Geneseo's Alumni Weekend. As an alumni with a deep deep admiration for the place, not being able to go was less than favorable. What didn't help was seeing multiple Facebook posts from those that were going, bragging about how excited they were to be back in the magical land. I'm not blaming them though. Had I been going, I would have done the same thing. I'm just whining that it was like rubbing salt in the wound.

Instead of moping around all weekend though, I decided to be proactive. As in, already making plans for attending the Spring Alumni Weekend. These plans are kind of more in my head right now than actual, but it still counts. I also had one of my best friends come visit to help pull me out of my Geneseo-less depression. I lived with her for two years in Geneseo, so it was as if she brought Geneseo to me.

my glory days

What I love about that picture is that only one of us was wearing her own shirt. Oh how I miss the days of being able to select from a total of 4 wardrobes.

In addition to my visit from Curls (her nickname, that I bet you can figure out the origin of), I also had not one, but TWO people tell me that they were avid readers of my blog! You have no idea how happy this made me. One even said that they were laughing hysterically at it. Shoutout to my phantom readers.

So all in all, even though I wasn't able to frolick around my alma-matter, the weekend wasn't horrible. To top it all off, I had Dave swaddle me.

Pretty damn good impression of Harrison, if I do say so myself

Trying to pass for exciting

There really are not any exciting developments in my life, so I'll write about some lame developments and pretend they are much more interesting than they really are.

1. Harrison moved to a new bed. At only 8lbs, he outgrew his bassinet. Not really, but because he's such a wild child, it just wasn't working anymore. He would roll into the sides and cram himself, face down, into the crack between the bassinet and the mattress. This terrified me. I would wake up to see that and think he was dead. Also, he likes to flail his arms and legs and whack them on the sides of the bassinet. This would not only wake him up, but also wake up mommy and daddy, and when that happens, no one is happy. Therefore, we set up the Pack 'N Play in its place. 

Passed out

Last night was our first night trying out the new bed situation, and not jumping to any conclusions, but it seemed to work a little better. Instead of waking up 3 times throughout the night, he only woke up twice. Score. 

2. After searching endlessly for newborn-sized Halloween costumes that appeared to be nonexistent, I found some! Old Navy comes through once again. Dave and I are in disagreement about which one to get, so I am taking a poll. Elephant or Lion? 

I will wait to reveal which costume is chosen until Halloween. Everyone loves a good element of surprise.

Now I face the dilemma of what I should be for Halloween. 

3. My life is so boring, I have to wait weeks for exciting events. The next isn't until a week from today. Next thursday, Dave's mom is coming to stay overnight. She already offered to watch Harrison so that Dave and I can go out to dinner... and even better, it's her treat! Might have to recreate the entire Mexican fiesta that occurred the last time we left Harrison with parents to go to dinner. I really can't help that the margs and stuffed avocado are calling my name.

Next weekend is when Alyssa and Kari come to visit. I've actually been looking forward to this since before Harrison was born. This visit will be epic. It will be the first time my sister and I can drink wine together post-baby. We love wine. Even more than I love wine, I love drinking it with her.  I've specifically been saving a bottle of Apricot wine since the spring of my senior year for us to share and a year and a half later, the time is upon us. Not to toot my own horn, but I am very impressed at my self control in leaving a bottle of wine unopened this whole time. I could not. be. more. excited. 

Mommy is an alch-y and it concerns me