Please Save Me

Yesterday was one of those days. One of those days where I was at my whit's end, and really wishing that my job as a mom was not my job anymore.

Harrison has gotten a lot better in terms of his mood, and he really only fusses for a couple hours before his bedtime. I can handle that, since it's the same every single day, I know it's coming, and the rest of the day he is good, so I haven't lost my shit yet. Yesterday, however, he was testing me. His nighttime sleep has reverted back to waking 3-4 times a night, and also to waking up for the day before 6am. For a child that really needs a solid 12 hours, this is no good. It is the worst cycle in the world- a bad night's sleep leads to waking up too early, which leads to an overtired baby, and an overtired baby has even more of a hard time napping, so he's overtired going to sleep at night, and thus, has another rough night of sleep. I can't deal.

I think I yelled at him five times yesterday, which is five times more than I usually yell at him. I'm already at one this morning, so I think it's safe to say that I am losing my cool.

All of Harrison's moodiness is now coupled with my post-Alumni Weekend depression. I think because I was looking forward to that for so long, and it gave my boring life a glimmer of excitement, I just feel empty now that I don't have anything to look forward to in it's place. I mean, of course there's summer festivals, and long holiday weekends like Memorial Day and the 4th of July, but nothing that gives me a break from the insanity of motherhood.

Am I really that bad?

That probably sounds horrible, that I need a getaway from my child, but with days like yesterday, and probably today, it helps to think that all of my hard work and losing my mind will be rewarded with a break, eventually. Even if it's not for months...

For someone who still doesn't ovulate, I seem to have a lot of symptoms of those that do- aka PMS. Forgive my whininess. I guess that is the one bad part of not getting a period, that I can't blame all of my mood swings and crying on the PMS. In my defense, I probably still have hormone overload and that is something I will blame my craziness on.

On the bright side, I got to go shopping for a baby shower yesterday, and also for my own child. I used to think nothing could be more fun than shopping for myself, but now I realize that truly, nothing is more fun than shopping for babies. I got Harrison this awesome number:

I look like a clown

Also, one of my most favorite moments of Harrison's life happened yesterday. As a little back story- what I'm about to show you is something that I thought my child would NEVER do. I always envisioned it to be something that other babies would do because it is ridiculously cute, but Harrison, who is such a horrible sleeper, would never accomplish, leaving me sad and jealous of other moms. IT HAPPENED:

Bum in the air <3

Tell me that sleeping position is not the cutest.