Last night, I could not sleep. I've had quite a bit of insomnia throughout my pregnancy, and now that we are getting closer and closer to D-day, it's gotten worse. I probably didn't help things by setting up the bassinet next to the bed. I think I subconsciously knew that the bassinet next to the bed = no sleep for mommy, and therefore ruined any chances of getting a good night's sleep. Gotta take that out of the room until the baby is actually here.
But seriously, lying awake at night with nothing but my own thoughts does not help to lessen my anxiety about having to birth this kid. So, I figured that I'd use this blog post as a therapy session for myself to talk things out and try to calm some of my nerves.
Fear #1: Dying. You may think this is a little extreme, but I googled it and was comforted to find out that I'm not the only pregnant woman that worries about this. Something like 11 women die a year from labor, but considering that fact that something like 133 million babies are born in a year, I'd say the odds of not dying are in my favor.
Fear #2: The baby dying. Sorry this post is turning so morbid. But I can't help it. Ever heard of a condition called SIDS? If you haven't, just refer to virtually any resource that is even remotely related to newborn care and parenting (as I'm Googling it now). It stands for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. And sounds like pretty much anything can cause it. Like putting a blanket in the crib. Or not giving the baby a pacifier. First of all, I know plenty of parents who have said they didn't give their children pacifiers whatsoever and the child survived. I think SIDS is just another tactic of the baby industry to get parents more freaked out and buying more shit... personally.
Fear #3: Not being able to breast-feed. This one's kind of selfish on my part, but supposedly it burns up to 500 calories a day. Hello to the world's best diet plan. You're probably thinking I sound like a fatass and I should just plan on exercising to burn the calories but seeing as how I couldn't manage to really fit much exercise in throughout my pregnancy, I doubt that when I'm on 3 hours of sleep and physically and mentally exhausted due to a crying newborn, I will not be peeling myself off the couch to work out. So breast-feeding it is. Not to mention all of the ways it benefits baby too- antibodies, nutrients, a closer bond with mommy. So there you go, not entirely selfish, but it needs to happen.
Fear #4: Turning into a horrible, child-obsessed, unavailable friend. Like in the movies when the one couple has a baby, and then not too shortly after, there's a scene of the rest of the group of friends out to dinner complaining about how couple-with-baby are never around anymore, and when they do see them, all they can talk about is their baby. Then the movie fast-forwards to a scene of someone's (mostly-adult) party, the couple with baby showing up with like 3 diaper bags, holding the screaming child, looking frantic, and immediately running into the bedroom to change the kid's diaper. I do NOT want that to be me. I guess the underlying fear here is that I'm still so young, and probably now WAY ahead of all of my friends, seeing as how none of our friends that are our age are even engaged, let alone married, or on their way to having children. Therefore, I get nervous that I'll be missing out on way more than I'd like to, or become a horrible friend that can't do this and can't do that. Not that I think my friends aren't understanding, or won't love having little lemon around to play with, but nevertheless- a fear of mine.
On top of these, theres the usual fears of my water breaking in our Monday morning company-wide meeting, having to push 7+ pounds of mass out of me, becoming a deranged, sleep-deprived zombie, etc etc. To sum this all up: I am 15 days away from my due date and freaking the eff out.
Sorry this post has basically just turned into a rant with zero pictures. I pledge to take my blogging more seriously in future posts, which obviously means including pictures (and not letting a week go by inbetween posts).
I don't really know anything about having children, but I do have a couple friends that turned into the baby obsessed couple, so I know where you're coming from!
ReplyDeleteHang in there!
Freaking out is totally normal. I know I have "not dying" on my birth plan too :)
ReplyDeleteGet breathable mesh bumpers. Those are the only anti-SIDS things that are actually worth the money, plus they are super cute and come in lots of fun colors.
Even without breastfeeding, you'll lose all the weight without really trying. People who tell you that they couldn't really mean they couldn't stop eating shit. Your body will want to return to it's original size. Keep in mind that it's normal for your body to hold onto about 5 extra pounds if you are breastfeeding. I know I was the same jean size as before pregnancy when I was breastfeeding, but I was "squishy" until I weaned. Then I became the hardbody goddess that I am now. I recommend excessive running, a la your sister.
You'll sleep better when the baby is here. It sounds like a lie, but it's the truth.
OMG, I can't imagine trying to sleep while pregnant, basically for all the reasons you just said. A suggestion for next time - ask to hear the snowblower story. Pretty sure that should do the trick.
ReplyDeleteI feel like I'll be obsessed with your little lemon, so there will be no judging from my end if u become baby obsessed. But totally natural to have these fears. But they are also all very rare happenings. ;)
ReplyDelete