Motherhood changes you

Exciting news (for me at least): Harrison got his first tooth! You are probably envisioning a full fledged tooth standing alone in his mouth, but no, its the most minuscule little nub that you really can't even see with the naked eye. The only reason I know it's there is that I felt his gums, and a sharp object was poking me. It counts. I even put the "1st Tooth" sticker in the baby calendar already.

While we are on the subject of how things have become exciting for me that I never, ever, thought I would even give a shit about, I have come to realize how drastically having a baby changes you. I mean, obviously, when you grow another human in the innards of your own body, you will undergo some changes, but I feel like my changes are more emotional than physical.

1. I am obsessed with babies. ALL babies.

Think I'm heartless if you will, but before I got pregnant with Harrison, I really had no desire to see babies, be around babies, or interact with babies. I feel like this stemmed more from fear than anything, as I really had almost no encounters with babies in my life, with the exception of the time my friend had twins and I fed one a bottle... once. When I would hear my friends gush over babies, I would be like, yeah.. no thanks. This even brimmed on the extent of me not especially wanting children of my own.

Then Incident X happened, and I was stuck. Now, I'm obviously obsessed with my own child, but what I never thought would overcome me- a love for all babies, has. Like yesterday for example, Ray Rice was on Kelly and Michael, and they showed a picture of his little 1 year old daughter. Although I was INFURIATED by the fact that he named her RAYven, I could not peel my eyes away from the screen because I was dying of cuteness.

You can't tell me this doesn't melt your heart

This even happens to me upon seeing the ugliest of babies. Sometimes, I feel like I love those ones more. Is that weird?

Even if Harrison looked like this, I would still love him

2. I want like a million of my own.

I have my hands pretty full with Harrison, but what mother doesn't have her hands full? Especially those with more than one child. So, I can't really complain. But even though I feel completely overwhelmed as a first time mother, and sometimes think maybe I'll never get the hang of it, I am finding myself wanting like 30 kids. Ok, more like 4. Minimum. Since we can't even afford the one we have now, I don't think this will actually happen, but I'm allowed to fantasize.

I really just want more babies for two reasons: one, is so I can breastfeed them. I'm obsessed. Oxytocin is an addictive drug so it is not my fault. I know I complained a lot about breastfeeding in the past, but now that I've gotten a hold on it, I think it is god's gift to women. The second reason is that Harrison won't cuddle me, and I will need to reproduce until one comes out a cuddler.

Please get away from me

This may sound like a joke, but it is not. I have heard myths of babies cuddling their mothers, and I will continue to think of this as a myth until one of my own proves it true.

3. I can cry at the drop of a dime.

Before motherhood, I would cry, like all women do, at sad movies like Armageddon or Stepmom. It has now reached pathetic levels though. Seeing Jennifer Hudson sing at the Superbowl with the Sandy Hook choir- done. Watching Biggest Loser when they tell the sad personal stories of the contestants- instantaneous. Talking about how much I love Harrison to my bff- it's over. I'm going to blame this on the higher than normal level of hormones raging through my body. Really though, I don't expect this to let up at all as Harrison gets older. I'm doomed.

You're an embarrassment