Plentiful Life Updates

In the meantime since I've last blogged, Harrison had his speech evaluation. Any guesses as to the result? If you've been reading this blog for the past 7 months or so, then you would know that Harrison has basically zero words, and I've been a hot mess about it. So, as we all knew, and we now have confirmation for: he needs speech therapy.

It's definitely not a concern to me for anything other than the simple fact that he can't talk. All other areas of him as a human showed average results, or above average! My smarty pants was above average for his cognitive skills, and right on par for motor skills, it's just those language skills that are lacking. So that was definitely encouraging and relieving to hear from professionals on the subject.

I'm sure you all knew that update was coming, and so I feel as though some updates on other aspects of my life would be a little bit more interesting to you.

First off: the chip ban. I have that shit DOWN. Haven't touched a chip since I blogged about banning chips, and haven't even really wanted any, except for the time this past weekend when I went to the best Mexican restaurant on the earth with my dad and sister, and it would have been a crime to not partake in their homemade tortilla chips. I admit defeat, but in my defense, I was being greatly peer-pressured and if I only go to this restaurant once every 4 months then I think it's an acceptable time to allow myself a chip or two. 

The dessert ban, however, failed miserably. What can I say? I want a life where I can eat desserts and I don't really think that is such a bad thing. I better rephrase that though- the dessert ban BACKFIRED. I eat twice, if not three times the desserts as I was eating before the ban. I need rehab. 

Now that I've made you read through a long post of nothingness, I'll reward the few of you that stuck it out and read to this point, because this is the biggest news of them all: I got a new job, which requires me to put Harrison in daycare. My feelings on all of this: excited, emotional, nervous, emotional, relieved, emotional... 

Basically, I can't even think the thoughts that this will be my last full week at home with him or the tears start flowing. I'll be sure to keep you posted on how the transition goes. I know it'll be good for both of us, I know this, but please still say a little prayer for my sanity, as I will be a hot mess when I drop him off that first day. 

Chunks

One of the greatest occurrences of my life thus far happened the other day. Spoiler alert: that was sarcasm. Harrison projectile vomited, numerous times, all over me and this house.

Moms don't have an easy job as it is. Infantile babies may spit up all over you for their first 6 months of life, breastfeeding is no walk in the park, exhaustion is an understatement until your child begins sleeping through the night... which may take him or her 9 months.. ahem.., wiping shit from their asses that smells like the most ungodly scent you can imagine; none of it is fun. However, it kind of just all comes with the title, and you get over it quickly. Hell, I can change a poopy diaper like nobody's business now.

Is it fun when I make you clean up all of the tupperware?

The issue of projectile vomiting is a different playing field, though. Harrison and I were just sitting peacefully on the couch, watching the Today Show, as I drank my coffee and him his juice. He sneezed. I quickly grabbed a tissue to wipe up the snot that was all over his face and as the tissue was in front of his face, the chunks came flying. Some of you may think I was lucky to have somehow had a tissue right over his mouth at the very moment when he puked, but those of you are wrong. I feel like everyone has certain textures that just freak them out, and mine is wet paper. So there I was, holding a dripping wet tissue, which is enough to make me vom myself, then add to that the contents of vomit all over Harrison, me, and the couch.

My fight-or-flight response kicked in, and without taking a moment to consider how gross this all was, I scooped him up and ran upstairs to get him changed. Then came the fun part of having to clean up the puke from the couch, when I became fully aware of the fact that moms do not have it easy.

I wrote that one off as maybe Harrison drank his juice too fast, and his stomach rejected it. Or something went down the wrong pipe. He was acting fine, playing, cuddling, whatever... so I went on my merry way.

No, it's this vile food you feed me

Maybe an hour later, I went into the kitchen to grab a bowl of cereal. Harrison came running in after me, as he does whenever I go into a different room, and as my back was turned to him, I heard a loud splash. There he goes again. This time all over the kitchen tile (which I must say, made for much easier clean-up), and himself, again. He started to take a few steps towards me, when another batch came up, and it must have startled the shit out of him, because he came running at me, straight through the wet vomit, throwing his vomit-covered self at me like a bear was chasing him, and screaming crying, because why wouldn't he be? It was a horrible situation.

At this point I knew I needed to call the doctor's office, and a nurse told me just to watch him and not to give him any dairy. That was all fine and dandy, except that I had no idea what caused these three freak events, and I had no way to prevent it from happening again, other than to avoid dairy and feed him only crackers for the remainder of the day. So, I lived in the worst fear of my life for the rest of the morning- that any little cough, or fall, would induce projectile chunks again.

LUCKILY it was only those three times. I've heard horror stories from moms that their babies projectile vomited for a full day, or longer. That is literally the worst possible thing I could imagine. Moms that survive that are heroes, in my book.

This was two days ago, and he hasn't been acting sick since.

As insane as ever!!

Well, maybe except for last night, when he was up 4 different times, crying his little heart out, and that NEVER happens anymore. We think he might be getting a molar in. Since he doesn't have any words to express himself, like for example to tell me if he's hurting, where it hurts, etc etc... I have no way of knowing if my theory is right. This, Harrison, is why you need to learn to talk. Please, I beg of you.

What is the grossest thing that's happened to you lately?

My sister is smarter than your sister

This post comes to you from the inspiration given to me by my genius sister.

Reason #1 why she is a genius: I was texting with her the other night, and the topic of my workouts came up. I told her that I didn't do a work out that day because I've been having pain in my left knee, and wanted to give it a break. She had me describe to her where it hurt, and the type of pain I was experiencing, and immediately delivered a genius treatment plan: ice it.

Why I couldn't think of that on my own, I have no clue, I'm just glad I have access to her endless wisdom. I'm not sure if I hurt my knee during an actual work out, or if its the stairs I run 50-75 times a night (no exaggeration) at work. The impact on my knee while walking/running up and down stairs is when the pain spikes up quite a bit, so I'm gonna go with that one. Either way, it has made both working out, and performing the essential tasks of daily life, like picking up Harrison, less fun. In any case, I can handle a sharp pain here and there, it's not like my knee is preventing me from mobility. I'm just an expert whiner.

Actually that's my title

Reason #2 why she is a genius: I was also texting with her about my new dietary restrictions that I've placed on myself. She came up with a genius plan for how I can stick to them, until the wedding, anyway.

First, I'll explain what they are. The first, and most important limitation to my diet is no chips. I never used to be a chip person, until some little creature named Harrison started growing in my body and took over my brain. I got hooked on chips during my pregnancy, but the chip consumption became more like an addiction while I was nursing. As you all know, I was unable to put down my son for 90% of my waking hours, so in my extreme hunger levels, I would turn to chips as an easy, one-handed food item. I find chips so good because they are SO SALTY. I swear my brain now fiends for salt similar to how a crack addict would fiend for crack. The chip-ban is not just for purposes of healthy eating and hopeful weight loss, it is me putting myself into rehab for salt.

BUT SALT IS GOOD

So far, I feel pretty strongly about this chip ban. It's only been a week, but I have a lot of confidence in myself that I can make this last until the wedding. Mostly because I'm not completely taking salt out of my diet, so I still can indulge in a salty snack when necessary. Like light popcorn, or something.

It's the second food limitation that I'm gonna struggle with, and where my sister's plan came into play. It's dessert. Gets me every time. My sweet tooth is not my friend. So knowing my sister has cut sweets out of her diet from time to time, I asked her how it's even humanly possible. Her response, if you couldn't guess- genius. She instructed me to make my dessert-ban public, and that way I'll feel pressured into sticking with it.

This one also, clearly, has a sweet tooth

I'm not trying to not eat a sweet for four whole months, because that is 1. a highly unrealistic goal for me and 2. majorly effing depressing. However, I am going to try to cut my dessert intake to one a week. Please blog friends, hold me to that. Again, although this one intimidates me a lot more than the chip-ban, I hope I can achieve my goal since I still will have sugar in other forms. For example, coffee creamer, hard cider, cereal, etc etc... I know these are not revolutionary diet tricks, and I might not even lose any weight from it, but it's just a way for me to try to cut back on certain high-calorie items that I am known to overindulge on.

What is your food weakness?

Gifts from my Loved Ones on Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day! I'm usually not one to brag, and I try to keep myself away from social media on days like today, because the people that are bragging really annoy me, but this is a much more confined outlet to brag on than Facebook, so I'm gonna go for it.

Dave completely surprised me with an early Valentines Day celebration last night! I'm working all weekend, and he has to stay very late at work during the week due to tax season, so I figured that Valentines Day was out this year. However, he came home earlier than I expected last night so that we could actually celebrate. He was equipped with a bouquet of flowers, a card, a bottle of champagne, and even went to the extent to wrap the present he had gotten me. I then felt like a horrible person and complete failure, because all I had gotten him was a card, and had the fanciest of all dinners planned: grilled chicken breast salads. Whoops.

The present was a Patagonia jacket, and it was a complete surprise! I think I had mentioned in passing, like once, that I had always wanted a Patagonia, but it was more just me throwing it out there whimsically, with no intent of it being a hint for him to get me one. But, I'm lucky and it worked!

Harrison's gift to me today was being the crankiest, whiniest person of all the land. So then I drugged him, because he's getting a molar in and I attributed his horrible attitude to that. His other gift to me is the gift of needing Speech Therapy. Yes, all of my whining over the past six months has been justified, and his pediatrician on Monday confirmed that his speech is delayed. I think everyone thinks I will be a mess over this news, and is really worried for me. While I appreciate the concern, I'm actually relieved by the news because this means we can start working with him, and hopefully see results soon! I can tell he's getting really frustrated at times without words, which in turn makes me frustrated. I also get really frustrated seeing other kids his age being able to full-on communicate with their parents, and master words like "apple" and "brother", while Harrison can't even manage a "dada" half the time, and better yet, "mama" is nonexistent. The evaluator comes on Tuesday, and I'm sure I'll have some riveting updates to share about his sessions.

Tonight I will be going to work, to one of the most horrid days a server can possibly endure. Sorry if any of you reading this plan to go out to dinner with your loved ones tonight. Please, by all means, enjoy your dinner and don't listen to a word I just said!

Do you have any plans for Valentines Day?

The Exercise Diaries

The last time I blogged, I introduced you all to Operation Jillian Michaels is trying to Kill Me. Well, so far, no deaths have occurred, so I'd say it's going well! I realize this is not a fitness blog, by any means, but I am slightly proud of my persistence with an actual exercise plan, so I'll discuss.

As a little background, my previous fitness routine included working out maybe once every two months. Maybe. So, bear that in mind. Week 1 I ended up working out four times. Four out of Seven is pretty good considering I was coming from Zero out of 60+. The way 30 Day Shred is designed, there are three levels, and you start with Level 1 and work your way up to Levels 2 and 3, supposedly after 10 days of each. Well, I got extremely bored with Level 1 quick, and like a fool, thought Level 2 wouldn't be that much harder, so I skipped ahead. Bad choice. Now I'm stuck on Level 2, getting bored with it, attempted Level 3 once and now I feel like I will never voluntarily put myself through that hell again. So week 2, I was alternating between Level 2 of 30 Day Shred, and a couple of Jillian's other workouts, in order to avoid Level 3. Weeks 2 and 3, I increased the frequency of days from four to five, and have tried to keep myself working out five times a week since. Let's be real, I am NOT one to work out seven days a week, just no.

Watching you work out is exhausting

I can definitely notice an improvement in my strength. However, with national holidays like the Super Bowl interfering with me not eating all the things, I have not lost any weight. I'm not really freaking out about that part, because I have plenty of time to do so, and I really do believe my fat is like transforming itself into muscle. Please, if you disagree, do not crush my hopes.

I laugh at your expense

Yesterday, I took a Power Vinyasa yoga class with my friend Anna and fell IN LOVE. I used to be a Bikram yoga supporter, which if you are unaware, is done in a 100+ degree room. Yesterday's class was only at 85-90 degrees, and it felt like the perfect temperature. I was still hot, and sweating profusely, but it wasn't a heat that made me see stars and think I would pass out at any given moment. If the price tag for these classes wasn't so high, or the fact that the closest studio is 40 minutes away, I'd be hooked.

Harrison-wise, I am completely ready for his 18-month well visit (which is in four days) for the doctor to confirm my beliefs that he needs to be evaluated by a Speech Therapist. I am surprisingly calm about this topic though, because besides his speech delay, he's a little smarty pants. I know I claim this all the time, and you are probably thinking "how can the kid be smart? He hasn't even figured out how to talk", and that is a valid point. But, he has shown his incredible intelligence in many ways. For instance, the time he knew breastmilk straight from the source is better, so he just rejected a bottle for the rest of his days.

My evil plan worked!

If you workout on a regular basis, what is your regimen like? I need suggestions- clearly, I get bored quick. Also, I hate running, so that's out.

The taxes are the death of me

It's that time of year again. The time when I, for all intents and purposes, become a single parent. Tax season is upon us, and with Dave working 65+ hours a week for the next lifetime, aka until April 15, I get (mostly) full-time care of our little monster.

Who are you calling monster?

Last year during tax season was really hard for me, because as you all know, I was blessed with the world's fussiest baby. So I would spent full days either yelling, moping, or crying myself along with my crying baby. I was so lucky to have amazing friends and family that would come over and keep me company, and unbeknownst to them, keep me sane. It helped that we were in Brockport, because it was a little closer to the bulk of my people. Now, being out in Le Roy, we might as well be in a different country, because I don't like to drive to Rochester any more than the people in Rochester like the drive to Le Roy.

Do people not want to see this face?

This time around should be a little bit easier, although I'm sure I just jinxed myself by writing that. For one, Harrison is a much happier, mild-mannered human now. He for sure still gets in his moods, but those are easier to deal with because he now understands "no" and the tempered sound of my voice. And by understands, I mean fears. He also is obsessed with his Baby Einstein DVDs. Something about those movies can literally hypnotize children. And before you jump to conclusions and try to tell me that children his age shouldn't be watching any TV, let me say, quite frankly: I don't give a shit. My pediatrician said he can watch up to two hours a day (which does seem like a lot), so when I pop in one half hour DVD a day, I think he'll make it. Happy mom, happy baby. Actually with this relationship, I think it's more like happy baby, happy mom.

Do this look happy to you?

In other Harrison developments, he has learned a few key life lessons recently. For one, he has learned that he can open cabinets that will reveal fun objects of all shapes and sizes. In his mind, these are toys. In reality, we know those are not toys. Cups, plates, tupperware, etc.. are not toys. They are actually objects I will have to clean after he drags them all over the kitchen floor. But if the mantra of my life is now, "Happy baby, happy mom", then so be it.

He has also learned how to climb up his slide. This will help him to avoid playground bullying in his later years.

So B.A.

Finally, and most importantly, he has learned the workings of an iPhone better than some adults. He can get the phone off of it's lock screen, proceed to find the folder on my phone that has all of his apps in it, and choose said apps to entertain himself. It frightens me.

100

Hello, friends! Somehow I have made it to the 100th post! I can't believe that I started this blog when I was pregnant, thinking no one but my sister and parents would read it, and being more than content with that. Now, I had a toddler, and way more readers than I could have ever imagined, who actually think some of what I say is funny, which I also could have never imagined.

I wanted to do something special for the 100th post, but in failing to think of anything, I will just list a bunch of random things about me, my life, and Harrison (mostly Harrison):

1. For starters, having a blog is a great confidence booster. If you are ever in a slump, and feeling really bad about yourself, just write a blog post about how depressed and awful you are, and everyone will comment nice things.

2. Harrison is finally back to drinking milk. It was funny, because for the first year of his life, breastmilk was his favorite of all the things. Then, because babies are the pickiest creatures, you try to switch them to cow's milk, and you get a big hell no. I was really concerned about him not drinking milk, obviously for developmental and health reasons, but primarily because he is the spawn of dairy farmers. You cannot have the grandson of the dairy farmer not drink milk.

3. He is almost a year and a half old (in 24 days). How did this happen? He also still does not speak, which is an issue.

Come get me, ladies

4. Harrison is starting to push our buttons. I was talking to my sister around Thanksgiving, and praising him for being such a good listener and so well-behaved. Have I NOT LEARNED ANYTHING in the 17 months since giving him life? Parents, listen closely: you cannot comment on your child's behaviors out loud unless you want to permanently jinx them and have them do a 180 on you. So now he likes to not listen when we say "no", climb his little ass up the stairs by himself, pull my coffee mug, which is full of coffee, off the end table and present it to me like it's nbd, etc etc... It's getting fun around here.

I swear those aren't horns

5. It actually is a really fun stage to be in with him. Sarcasm aside, obviously he does not come without his challenges, but his insanity is hilarious. The kid is psychotic but in a funny way, if that makes sense.

6. I have a fair share of pet peeves. Drivers who post up in the left lane on the highway. Carrots. When desserts don't have frosting. A more recently developed pet peeve of mine is the clothing section for babies. Easily, there is 5x the amount of girls' clothes than boys' and the girls' stuff is way cuter. Anyone who shops for babies knows this.

7. The Colts won their first playoff game ever last Saturday! I have this theory for the upcoming game (which is tomorrow) that if I really, truly visualize them winning, they will just win. I know that is a load of crap in reality, but I'm sticking with it.

If you think dressing him in Colts attire helped them win too, then you are correct

8. Harrison's favorite things:

• Food: Reeses Peanut Butter Cups/Ice Cream. Not even kidding. Also, fruit.
• Book: Where's Spot, courtesy of Joy Roberts for gifting it to him.
• Christmas Toy: this god damn LeapFrog Laptop . Now I want to chuck it through a window and never look back.
• Favorite thing of all time: Mr. Bear. Definitely Mr. Bear.

9. Instead of a New Years Resolution, I decided on a Wedding Resolution.. so basically the same thing, I just have extra motivation since the word "wedding" is involved. I have never been one to exercise. Not just that I don't exercise, but I actually despise it. But like any bride-to-be, I have high (and very distant) hopes of being fit and toned come the wedding day. So as a test to myself, I am attempting to complete 30 days of "30 Day Shred" by Jillian Michaels. If anyone has done one of her workouts, you basically want to die the entire time, which is not helped by the fact that she is screaming through the TV at you, "YOU SHOULD FEEL LIKE YOU ARE ABOUT TO DIE RIGHT NOW!!!" "30 Day Shred" is one of her shorter workouts, so I feel as though I can work my way into the habit of working out every day, since it's a minimal amount of time. I'm on Day 4, only 26 left to go. 

10.  100 posts later, thank you for reading this blog and not thinking how sad and pathetic my life is. Actually, some of you may think that, which is fine because it's true, but thank you for not commenting those thoughts!